Today we are going to try something new on the Spectator. We are going to have guest blogger, Chase Updike, a Freshman Lacrosse sensation from Denison University in Ohio. He hails from Bethesda, MD loves BBQ’s, the Ladies, and drinking Long Island Ice Teas outside on a sunny day.
Disclaimer: Chase in no way represents the viewpoints of the sports spectator, we are just trying to expand and tap into the misogynistic world of sports blog coverage. This post is very close to being NSFW! BEWARE.
Whaddup Fools! Now that my skull crushing hang-over has subsided (gotta love wastey wednesdays), and after skipping class for three hours to research the NFL Draft, I am ready to put that fucker Mel Kiper to shame.
Now for an important question: Are boyshorts or thongs hotter on chicks? The answer is obviously thongs, unless you’re a girl who has a little cottage cheese where some firm meat should be. I have had a lot of experience with this because girls stick to me like white on rice.
Speaking of white, Stafford, QB from Georgia is going to be the number one pick in the NFL draft. No question. Dude is great looking, has a rocket arm, and has the potential to be a franchise QB. Unless, he turns out to be Joey Harrington, which could also happen. Stafford is the chick at the party that you bring home because she looks great in lots of makeup, heels, and a tiny tank top, but once she’s naked she loses her confidence, gets a little shaky, and fails to perform adequately. The Lions better hope that Stafford is the hot chick who oozes confidence in sweatpants and glasses.
I am also really excited about a few more players in the draft. Let’s talk about my boi B.J. Raji. Sports Illustrated, that stupid ass magazine that my Dad and Grandpa read, reported that B.J. failed a drug test at the NFL combine. He didn’t. Fuck you SI, why don’t you do some background research like I do before you report a big time story. Dickwads.
Anyhow, let’s just get to my favorite players in the draft who I think can really make an impact next year:
1) Mark Sanchez– this guy is the Eva Longoria of the NFL draft. Hot and Mexican. Oh, he’s also good at quarterback. USC QB’s don’t have the best track record in the NFL, I feel like he may be the one to break the mold however.
2) Michael CrabTree– One of my buddies who goes to Texas Tech says Michael slays like no other. He’s a good WR too I guess.
3) B.J. Raji — He’s gonna pile up sacks next season. Those QB’s will have targets on em like freshman girls in pearls at my frathouse.
4) Beanie Wells, Knowshon Moreno– Everyone knows that these two are going to break out like steroid induced backne next season.
My pick for the player who is going to have a big rookie season that no one saw coming:
PAT WHITE, WV
Everyone is doubting him because his is an “unorthodox” QB. Well, Fuck that. Some of the best things in life are unorthodox– teams should keep that in mind when Pat White is up on the draft board.
Alright, this has taken time away from my Thirsty Thursday. Time to get my buzz on! See you next Thursday.
